How I’m Letting Go of Pressure (As a High Achiever)

This episode is going to be a little different. I normally record both video and audio, and I am going audio only for this episode, and you’ll learn why. In this episode, I’m going to be sharing how I’m reducing pressure for myself this year and the step-by-step process that I’ve implemented in order to regulate my nervous system, reduce the excess pressure I put on myself and feel more grounded.
Calm, clarity and ease in my day to day. So let’s get into it. So first I wanna share my starting point. At the beginning of this year, the end of 2025, beginning of 2026, I noticed that I was reaching a point of kind of verging towards. Burnout, and this is because of a culmination of multiple things in my personal life, especially a lot of never ending home renovations that were requiring a lot of time, energy, effort outside of my typical responsibilities.
And of course, that includes things like work, creating this podcast, meeting with my clients, et cetera, throughout this process. Over the last year, that was when I started to reduce the number of projects essentially that I was engaging in as a way of reducing that load and also as a way of kind of centralizing my focus rather than.
Spreading myself in a million different directions, which can be my high achiever tendencies to do it all. You know, having a membership community, online courses, one-to-one therapy clients, one-to-one coaching clients, speaking gigs, you name it. These were things that I was all doing at once, and I realized that I was spreading myself too thin, trying to do too much at once.
And so I worked towards reducing these responsibilities, focusing on just one to two things at a time. So in August of last year, I closed my membership community and I also decided to not take on any new one-to-one coaching clients to just prioritize my one-to-one. Therapy clients and then allow space or you know, continuing to have my online courses and also for any upcoming projects that I may have in mind.
And I’m gonna share more about that in a little bit. This also allowed me to free up space and mental energy. ’cause burnout doesn’t necessarily just come from being overwhelmed in general, but it can come from the. Quantity of things that you have on your plate or on your mind. If you have a lot of different things that you’re needing to think about or plan for, or coordinate or just have kind of mentally juggling, that is going to add more overwhelm, more potential for reaching a point of emotional and physical exhaustion.
So I recognize this and I realized it’s time to focus on the essentialism way of life, and that is rather than a million different directions and making a millimeter of progress in a million different directions to focus on making meaningful progress in a smaller number of directions by focusing on less.
So then this brought me to a space where it was the beginning of the year. I didn’t wanna do my typical kind of dive in deep and look at all of the numbers in my business and look at all of the statistics in my personal life. I did more of a general overview of the previous year and kind of reflecting on what worked, what didn’t work, and what I wanted to do moving forward.
Through this process, I recognize that my focus is for the year. I’ve really wanted it to be on nervous system regulation, so getting to a point where I felt like regulating my nervous system was my primary focus. So working backwards from how I wanted to feel and what I wanted to embody. And once I identified this.
Then that allowed me to have this overarching focus for all of the decisions and focuses that I would be making throughout the year. And I often like to choose a word for the year. And so my word for this year, for 2026 is boundaries. And that kind of aligns well for me personally with what I wanted my focus to be.
And I think this also aligns with the idea of reducing pressure rather than adding more stress and responsibility and focusing on the goal I wanted primarily of achieving a certain goal or a certain income number or a certain number of. Clients or whatever that might be. Those things are all very important and obviously, you know, I need to make money in order to pay my bills to survive, et cetera.
So not saying those things aren’t important. However, I am trusting that if I work backwards from how I want to feel, then that will allow me to have the energy and space to achieve those goals personally and professionally that are necessary and important to me. Let’s dive into these more specifically.
So I decided to focus on nervous system regulation, and for me, this looked like reconnecting with myself and restarting my meditation practice that I had kind of fallen to the wayside and doing more. Internal noticing, slowing down, being present, and that was a priority. Also, engaging in practices that helped me to slow down, focusing more on a quote unquote analog life rather than constantly being.
Digitally connected, especially to things like the internet and algorithms. For myself personally, I found that that has helped me to slow down, to connect with my body and to calm my mind and nervous system, and I could go on and on about that topic. It’s something I’m actually very passionate about, but for the specifics of this episode, I won’t go into that any more deeply.
And so that was a primary focus along with what I mentioned as far as boundaries. So this included doing less than I think I can because I have found in the past that the things that I want to do always take longer than I think they’re going to. And then because of that, I get stuck into this pattern where I try to do more.
Then I actually have time for it because everything takes longer than I think it does. And then I always feel behind and then I feel like I’m not doing enough or I’m not doing things fast enough, et cetera, et cetera. So I’ve realized that this is a continual practice that I have to kind of assess.
Where I am now is, there’s been many different iterations of this process, but this is where I currently am. Personally, when it comes to this process of recognizing my expectations for myself and reducing that pressure and seeing, okay, if I kind of lower that bar, actually it can allow me to feel more.
Accomplished and be more intentional rather than rushing through things or forcing myself to do a million things and then resulting in burnout or frustration or resentment. I am actually giving myself a realistic container to complete things in so I can actually feel better about the things that I’m doing.
So this actually isn’t a completely unrelated analogy, but let’s say you have a to-do list that is a million miles long, probably something you can relate to, and you are getting started with your day and you’re looking at that list and you’re already. Feeling emotionally triggered. You’re feeling overwhelmed.
You’re feeling frustrated. ’cause you’re looking at this long list. You’re thinking, how can I do this all? Where do I start? What am I even going to make meaningful progress on this? And. The other way of approaching this is you are just taking two or three things from that list. Those are your priorities.
You’re kind of setting the rest to the side and okay, saying for today, Monday, I’m just gonna focus on these. Two to three things. These are my tasks to do, my projects to focus on for the day, and that is it. That’s going to feel much more achievable. That’s going to feel like you can actually get started on it and focus on those things and make meaningful progress and feel satisfied with what you are working towards.
So that’s kind of that smaller daily to-do list. Example is how I have been approaching things on a larger scale when it comes to my. Business specifically and my life as a whole. So I am dwindling things down. I’m fortunate enough to have the freedom, the privilege to do that because I am self-employed to make these decisions and these choices.
And I won’t get into applying this to your specific situation because again, that’s beyond the scope of what I’m sharing today. But even if you can take a small bit of this and apply this to how you approach. Tasks or how you approach your day, that kind of cognitive shift from, I need to do all of these things to, this is my priority right now.
This is what I’m focusing on right now. It’s not just something that will help you as far as productivity. It’s something that will help you as far as your. Mindset, the way that you feel, the emotional energy that you are bringing to things, and that makes a huge difference. I often talk about that. It’s not necessarily what you do, but it is the way you do things.
This shift is something that can change the way that you approach things because you feel much more empowered, you feel much more intentional. You feel much more focused when you are telling yourself, this is what I’m doing and I’m. Kind of letting go of the rest. So that is what I have really focused on.
Also, when it comes to boundaries. The saying of, if it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no. That kind of listening to myself and assessing if somebody is asking me to do something, whether it’s plans to go to a certain place with friends, or whether it is a professional outreach of, you know, are you interested in this sponsorship?
Or having this person on your podcast, or whatever it may. EI have made it an intentional effort to continually connect to myself, to listen to my body and assess does this feel like something I’m genuinely excited for and interested in? And if it is not, then I’m going with no, for the most part. Of course, that is a very binary way of looking at things.
However, there’s always more nuance to things in life, of course. But this is kind of just the, the general. Approach that I’m taking when it comes to things, and that allows me to set and create boundaries by using this measure for things. And in connecting with what I mentioned before through practicing more mindfulness, more intentional meditation, I’m continually listening to myself and my needs so that this brings me back to that primary focus of nervous system regulation.
Acting from a place of feeling regulated rather than this place of urgency, this place of pressure, this place of not doing enough, and this has made a profound difference. Part of that is understanding myself and my needs. For example, I am a highly sensitive person. This is not a mental health disorder.
This is a personality trait that has been researched and found in about 20% of the population. And again, this bringss to another thing. I’m not gonna go into the specifics of it. I do have a podcast episode where I share a little bit more about it in a q and a, and I will link that in the description.
And so. Understanding my needs as a highly sensitive person. Understanding just what it is that I need in general has helped me to set these boundaries, to listen to my needs and to make decisions from a grounded place rather than wishing well this person is doing more, like getting into the comparison trap.
I should be able to do more. Or how come. I feel so drained after doing these kinds of things, et cetera, et cetera. So that is just kind of resisting reality and not listening to myself and accepting this is where I am, so how can I make the most of where I am right now? And respecting those needs. And this has included.
Creating a lot of time and space for myself where I can, doing things that truly nourish me. For example, I’ve spent so much time recently reading, you know, turning off the tv, disconnecting from digital devices and taking a. Paper book, especially recently, I’ve really been into nonfiction, learning about biology, genetics, et cetera, and just focusing on that.
I’ve found that for me, that is so nourishing. And when I think of, for example, oh man, I wish I could just take a week and just read, and I, I go through different phases in life, right? There’s times where I want to travel and adventure and you know, be more active. And I’ve noticed that now I’m in my kind of, I would.
Call it, I guess, wintering phase. It’s literally the winter where I am, but also kind of this inner focus of doing these more solo, lower energy activities. And this brings me to something else. Hopefully this isn’t all over the place, but I do find that I tend to. Kind of function in seasons and find that, okay, maybe I’ve, I’ve had seasons in the past where I’ve been really kind of energetic and pushing and doing more, and that is great.
And then right now I’m in a season where I’m in more of this slower phase and recognizing and respecting that. So all this to say that this has been my process recently and my focus. When it comes to easing pressure, listening to myself and functioning from a place. Of groundedness presence and clarity.
That is exactly why I’ve chosen to do an audio only version of this episode rather than the video that I normally do. That is because I was listening to myself. It was time to record and I was like getting ready to film. I I was gonna change my setup ’cause I’ve had issues with my focus recently with my camera and, and doing all of those things.
It felt like something that I. Wasn’t in the space for, and that I didn’t have time for because I, I have been focusing on. The previous week on building something new that I’ll be sharing about in a little bit at the end of this episode. So I didn’t have the space I wanted to, to prepare to film, and so I was like, yeah, I could.
I could force it, I could, I could do that. I could set up the lighting, I could set up the extra monitor to make sure my focus is okay and blah, blah, blah, blah. But then I was like, that feels like. Getting out of this place that I’ve been prioritizing, that feels as though I’m not focusing on nervous system regulation.
I’m focusing on forcing and should quote unquote, shoulding on myself rather than meeting myself where I am. I was like, is there some sort of middle ground? Okay. I don’t want to. Drop the ball and not record anything because consistency is something that’s very important for me to create this sense of safety with you as my audience and also for myself to be in this place of, of creating and sharing.
And so I was like, okay, what’s the middle ground? And then I realized. This is a podcast. I do enjoy my YouTube presence. That’s where I get a lot of feedback and I really enjoy the comments and, and I think that it can help some of you to connect with me more when you can see me speaking, but I don’t need to do that all the time.
This is an expectation I was placing on myself. So let me drop. For this episode, and let me see what it feels like to just do audio. And in some ways this feels more like a conversation. You know, maybe I’m kind of going on more. Usually I will write up a script and be very precise, but this time around I was like, let me just make this more casual, more conversational, because this feels right for where I am right now.
So that is an example. Of me working backwards from how do I want to feel? What is my focus, what is my priority for this moment in time, this phase of my life, and how can I work backwards to kind of align that with my goals and maybe find a middle ground or find a pathway towards that. That makes sense.
That feels right. Sometimes that can be difficult when you are experiencing anxiety, when your mind is clouded with the pressure of being hard on yourself and expectations and everything that builds up over time. I can absolutely understand that and I have definitely been there and this is a process.
Of building the muscle, of listening to yourself and shedding away those layers of fear, of guilt, of pressure, of shoulds, all of those things that we have acquired over the years, over our lives to try and help us to accomplish the goals that we have for ourselves to meet these expectations that we feel we need to.
But that can sometimes go into overdrive when you’re a high achiever from, this is helping me to get things done to now this is oppressive. Now. This is something that I feel as though is controlling me and I no longer have control over it. The pressure, the guilt, the expectations are clouding my ability to make decisions clearly and to actually listen to.
That inner voice of what it is that is best for me. So that’s the process that I’ve gone through, and that’s the process that I really hope to guide you through. The past month before last week was a guest episode, which I highly recommend listening to if you are a Daughter. Great episode. Before that episode, I had a month of episodes focusing on reducing pressure.
I’m going from pressure. To ease. And if you haven’t checked that out, I highly recommend checking out that series of episodes. And this has been a process of working towards this natural outcome, I suppose, of creating a program around this process, integrating parts of what I shared with you in this episode today, but also kind of meeting you where you are.
Right. I’m starting at a different point where I have done a lot of this inner work. Because this is something that is very important to me. Obviously this is something I talk about. It’s important for me since I’ve begun practicing as a therapist to practice what I preach. But I am in the process of creating a program for you, meeting you where you are, and this is gonna be different from anything I’ve ever done.
This is going to be a small group program where I am going to walk you through the process essentially of going from pressure. To ease, and this is going to be a small live group for high achievers who are ready to stop white knuckling their lives and feel lighter, calmer, and more at ease without sacrificing their ambition.
I’ve already shared this with some of those in my inner circle, former coaching clients. Students, membership members, and I’ve gotten some interest in it as of the point of this recording, there are still spots open and so I wanna open it up to a wider audience because maybe you’re somebody who listens to my podcast and this intrigues you and it’s something that interests you.
If so, if it feels like something that’s calling to you, this is gonna be a live program. Right now I don’t have the specific start date. I’m looking at mid-March, but really I’m going to work with each of the members who is interested to find a start date that makes sense. To find a call date and time that works based on the members’ time zone and availability.
And this will be a founding cohort, so this will be a really unique opportunity to. Work with me in this small group environment and to get this kind of focused and private support while also being in a supportive community that I’m intentionally building, that is supportive and with like-minded individuals.
So you can go through this journey together. If this is calling to you, if you’re interested, then I’ll have more information for you at calmlycoping.com/ease. That is EASE. I’ll also leave a link in the description if you’re interested in learning more, whether or not you’re interested in taking this step and moving forward.
I hope that this episode resonated with you in some way. Maybe the specifics. All of it may not resonate, but even if there’s one thing that you can take from this to apply to your life, to connect with the muscle of listening to yourself, to setting boundaries in your life, to prioritizing nervous system regulation, whatever that looks like for you, maybe you can take one thing and focus on that for this week.
And while you wait for next week’s episode, I have other episodes about calming your mind, improving work-life balance, and feeling more confident from within. Thank you so much for tuning in today, and until next time. Be calm.