The Hidden Costs of High-Functioning Anxiety

On the outside, you look like you’ve got it all together. Successful, dependable, hardworking, but on the inside you’re stuck in the cycle of overthinking over planning and overdoing. In this episode, I’m breaking down the hidden costs of high functioning anxiety and how to recognize the toll it might be taking on your life, along with actionable steps for what to do about it.

Welcome to Calmly Coping. I’m Tati Garcia, a licensed therapist and speaker here to help high achievers stop overthinking and finally feel calm and confident from within. If that’s what you’re looking for, then hit subscribe. Let’s dive into the episode. On the outside, you appear successful, on top of it all, and like you’ve got it all together.

On the inside, you’re overthinking every decision you make. Over planning things, over preparing for that meeting tomorrow over analyzing everything that happens and doing all the overs as I like to call them. Although high functioning anxiety may have gotten you success up to this point. It’s that fear of failure in dropping the ball under the surface that’s driving you to do more, accomplish more, be dependable, and not want to disappoint others, along with going above and beyond this fear that’s driving it under the surface can also be negatively impacting your quality of life.

And today I wanna talk about what that actually looks like and the hidden costs that come along with it. And how you can make changes to stop those costs from negatively affecting you or showing up at all. So first, let’s talk about what this looks like. Maybe you don’t get enough sleep because you are up late overthinking things or overworking because you’re putting the final touches on your report for work and doing all the things in your personal and professional life.

For example, maybe it’s staying up until 1:00 AM tweaking slides for a meeting, even though they’re already good enough because you’re afraid of making a mistake or you’re endlessly revising an email draft and reading it over and over again before hitting send. And the lack of sleep doesn’t just make you feel tired.

It can affect your ability to focus, lower your immune system, and even increase anxiety itself. Making it harder to cope with stress and creating this vicious cycle, and your relationships might also suffer because you are devoting so much of your time and energy to school, career advancement, and even achievement in your hobbies.

You might find yourself sitting with your partner or family, but maybe you’re not really there because your mind is already at work or worrying about the next thing on your to-do list. Over time, this can lead to distance and feeling disconnected. Even though your intention was never to neglect your relationships, and this can look like your wellbeing continually going to the back burner, things like downtime, rest, self-care, or relaxation, what is that even do you know?

You might feel like you’re never worthy of it or even know how to do it, and you believe you haven’t truly earned it until you’ve been thoroughly productive. Whatever that looks like for how you’re feeling in this moment. The problem is that the bar is always moving higher when it comes to this measure.

Maybe you finally get through your workday, but then you tell yourself you should clean the house, squeeze in a workout, or reply to one more email before you can rest, and before you know it. There’s never a moment that feels good enough to pause like you’ve earned it. And speaking of never feeling like enough, you never feel fully satisfied.

You’re continually moving from one accomplishment, goal or milestone immediately to the next. And sometimes before you’ve even finished what you’re currently doing, you’re thinking about what’s next. So, for example, maybe you finally submit a big project at work, but before you can breathe a sigh of relief and celebrate your accomplishment, you’re already stressing about the next deadline.

Or you achieve a personal milestone, like finishing a degree, and instead of celebrating, you’re already thinking about what’s next. And this can look like feeling exhausted, not just from not getting enough sleep, but because your mind is constantly working in the background. Worrying about the what ifs.

Trying to prepare for the future and avoid every possible negative outcome. Planning for the future, rushing from one thing to the next and managing that never ending to-do list. No wonder you are drained. Because this constant mental load can show up physically as well as things like muscle tension, headaches, digestive issues, or even that sense of never being able to fully relax even when you’re disconnected from the stress and on vacation.

And additionally, because of all of this, you may be more likely to reach a point of burnout, physical emotional, and mental exhaustion. From chronic unmanaged stress. You’re always doing more. And striving for more without listening to your needs and taking time to pause and breathe. Wow. So I’m feeling exhausted just from talking through all of that.

And if this resonates, then you’re not alone. And I want you to know that this is not a personal flaw. These patterns are incredibly common among high achievers, and they often come from years of conditioning, from being praised for productivity, getting all the things done, or feeling like your worth is tied to what you accomplish.

I’ve helped hundreds of high achieving individuals just like you. And I’ve also personally experienced this myself, so I really know what it feels like, and if you recognize yourself in what I’m describing, know that you’re not broken and there’s nothing wrong with you. It makes sense that you’ve been stuck in this cycle because of what you have learned and what has gotten you here.

However, that does not need to keep moving you forward, and you can maintain your ambition while still taking care of yourself in the process. And the good news is that there are tools and approaches that can help, but the very first step. Is awareness, and although awareness seems like a minor step, seems like it’s obvious, it’s actually the most important one because you cannot change what you aren’t aware of.

And our brains unconsciously want to avoid making changes because change inherently feels uncomfortable. That’s why it’s so easy to stay stuck in these patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving, especially if you’ve been engaging in them for years or even decades. Your brain has a lot of experience repeating these patterns and neurologically speaking, those neurons that fire together wire together, which means that the more often you do something, the easier it becomes in the future.

But this isn’t always helpful when these are fear and anxiety driven patterns that are taking you through your day-to-day life. And I promise you that you deserve better than this. And there is a better way, and I’m not just saying this, I honestly truly believe this because I have experienced it for myself, because I’ve seen these changes in my clients and students.

Going from a place of being driven by fear and anxiety to being driven by a sense of groundedness, calm and confidence, and coming back to that piece of awareness. You can’t change what you can’t see. And when we’re so used to behaving in certain ways, it just becomes autopilot. It becomes the natural way of going through life, and we aren’t aware of how these patterns could be harming us.

So simply starting to notice. These hidden costs and what is leading to them is the first step. So here’s your assignment for this week, and if the word assignment gives you pressure and stress, just let go of it. Just focus on this as something to do for your self-care. So start keeping a simple log.

This could be in your notes app or in a journal of the times that you notice yourself caught in the behaviors of high functioning anxiety. Pay attention to the overs. Overthinking over planning, overworking over analyzing. You get the point, and when you notice one of those moments, this is your opportunity to practice awareness.

Once you’ve noticed, that’s awareness. Then you can pause and ask yourself, how am I feeling right now? What thoughts are going through my mind? Often you’ll notice your thoughts are exaggerations focused on the worst case scenario or driven by fears. Simply noticing this. In real time is the first step towards change.

I often tell my clients, even if they feel like they’re not making changes, that moment of awareness is a huge moment of progress because you’re shifting from functioning on autopilot to now functioning in a state of presence, awareness, and being able to shift those patterns while they are happening.

But we can’t start the shift. Without the noticing. So that’s your focus for this week, and I’m excited to let you know that this is the beginning of a three episode series. So this is episode number one. Next week, I’m going to walk you through the cycle of high functioning anxiety. So this is the exact loop that keeps you stuck in overthinking and overdoing, and most importantly, I’m gonna share how you can finally break free from it.

So you won’t wanna miss that one. You can subscribe if you’re watching on YouTube or follow the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, so you can be sure. To be notified when the episode goes up. And if you want more support with high functioning anxiety, I’ve created something designed specifically for high achieving professionals struggling with high functioning anxiety.

It’s called the Common Ambitious Vault. This is your on-demand toolkit to help you break the cycle of overthinking and burnout without sacrificing your success. Access to the vault is opening soon, but right now you can get on the wait list for exclusive early access and discounts so you can find the link.

In the show notes or by going to calmlycoping.com/vault. So remember in case I didn’t say it enough, awareness is the first step. You do not have to keep running on empty or pretending that everything’s fine on the outside when it feels anything, but on the inside you deserve to feel calm. Balanced and confident truly from within, not just successful on the outside.

While you wait for next week’s episode, I have other episodes about calming your mind, improving work-life balance, and feeling more confident from within. So be sure to check out these episodes here. Thank you so much for tuning in today, and until next time, be calm.